How often do you think to yourself, “if I just had this,” or “if I could just change that?”
We spend so much of our time watching other people, seeing what they have, comparing ourselves in every which way imaginable that we forget to appreciate what we have.
We create this blasphemous little lie that “if only;” if only we had more money, if only we looked more like her, if only we could paint/draw/speak more like this person then we would be happy. Maybe this is true for some but this particular lie is a nasty little beast because it creeps into our minds every time we turn on the tv, look at our phones, read a magazine, or see someone while at a store. Escaping this lie is impossible but changing the mindset isn’t. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I won’t lie to you. Life is definitely overwhelming. (Duh, Vanessa. You’re just now getting this?) It’s stressful, and heck, it’s a straight-up B most days but it’s not meant to be unsurvivable. If that were the case, we all would have peaced out to the Promised Land and said the heck with this crap. We stick around for all the good that life brings us. Putting up with some minor BS along the way, well there is always a small price to pay, right? It’s like when you see that killer pair of shoes you’ve been dying for has gone on sale and you decide to splurge only to find out they rip your heels to shreds with each unbearable step. Are you going to stop wearing them because they hurt (most smart, self-respecting women would – and I super encourage you to do so if these shoes come your way!) However, I paid for these bada$$ shoes that make my legs look like walking pixie sticks so I’m going to endure this pain for however long I can. Cue the tears when people aren’t looking.
When you find yourself entertaining this lie, for the love of all that is holy, stop. Let me repeat this for you. STOP. Stop comparing yourself to others. I’m going to get as cliche as it gets right here… you ready for this? You’re perfect the way you are. Holy shnesus, I just went cornball on you, but you knew that already, didn’t you? I know you did because millions of people are posting it on their Facebook stories, Instagram pages, and literally shouting it from their rooftops. I think I can hear my neighbor now blasting it via a megaphone while standing on her roof in her skivvies. POINT MADE MICHELE. Point made.
How boring would life be if we were all carbon copies of each other? I don’t think I’ve seen a movie yet where that’s worked out for anyone involved. We’ve all seen, “Us,” right? Thanks, Jordan Peele. I had an issue with mirrors for months and still expect my doppelgänger to show up in my driveway late one dark evening. I no longer pay my driveway visits in the dark (because that’s an occurrence that happened on the regular, right horror movies?)
Simply put – comparison kills joy. Don’t be a joy killer. Surround yourself with positivity.
Vanessa V.
But, O.M.G. this one is hard. I will be the first one to admit that a lot of super positive people have a tendency to make me ultra suspicious. I get a little suspicious of myself when I get all positive on you, like, “what the heck do I know? Why should I tell you to be positive when I can’t guarantee I’ll be positive tomorrow?”
Guess what. Thinking in a positive way isn’t a 24/7 gig that demands you be “positive” every waking moment or else it will fail you. It doesn’t work like that, my friend. You are allowed to have your down days, your bad days, and your all-around sad days. No human is perfect and if your brain actually thought only positive thoughts I’d be more concerned about you being a robot… or Mrs. Brady.
You know that saying, “you are what you eat?” Well, this goes for friends and acquaintances, too. No, I don’t want you to eat your friends or relatives or any human for that matter, so don’t start thinking consuming humans is the way to positive enlightenment. My point, dear friend, is that you are what you surround yourself with. Embrace the positive in your life and you will make room for positivity. Indulge the darkness, and bring on the horns. (Ok, so not exactly the case but sounds good, right?)
Things that Helped Me
Yes, I know. These look like material items (because, yes they are). However, and I mean this with the biggest grain of salt – sometimes it takes the simplest pleasure or most minute of indulgence to help get us where we need to be. For myself, it was the inspiring words of Rachel Hollis that helped me discover my voice and determine my actual worth. I always, truly knew what it was but it wasn’t until I read about someone else’s struggles in a way that resonated with my own that I decided it was truly time to, forgive my crudeness, “piss or get off the pot.” The corkboard? Well, my little darlings, everyone needs to have a vision, and what better place to host their goals than a board specifically designed to manipulate and maneuver said dreams. It doesn’t hurt if it’s pretty at the same time. My last indulgence (aside from the plethora of chocolates I keep on the side) is the ultra-comfy hammock I keep outside where I do the majority of my reading. But to each their own.
Last but not least, figure out what makes you happy and just do it. (Don’t get mad at me, Nike. You may have trademarked it but it works in so many instances). If you weren’t already, start. If you were, and something still feels wrong, maybe that isn’t your “true” happy and you need to explore. You make the rules for your own life. You are the only one who can change what doesn’t fit. ⠀
Like Nike says, just do it.
